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Why I'll Never Date Another Man...

I haven't always done it God's way. And if I can be honest, I haven't always been too particularly fond of doing it God's way. This isn't to condemn you, [and I pray that if you're reading this, its your true desire to want to do it God's way] but to open your eyes to this very true, very real revelation: God's way is best, worth it, and the only way...
You may ask..."how do you know Gina, you're single!" Have I courted with a godly man? To answer your question no, I haven't. However, in spending time with God & His word, He has showed me some things concerning the area of dating/relationships. And I have had my fair share of dating as the world does. Now I have knowledge of a better way than what I was doing before.
When I look back at all my past relationships, I now understand, why I felt hurt & got my heart broken from many of them. It wasn't solely because I was crazy, insecure, overly-emotional, and a mess. It wasn't because the man lacked commitment issues or too young. We weren't whole in Christ! And while all those things may have had a small part to play, the main, significant reason all those relationships failed was because each one lacked a true reverence and love of God. Yes, it can all be attributed to this one statement: We didn't love God, We didn't know God, & We didn't fear God. If I had truly known God, through Him I would've realized my true worth & value a lot sooner. I would have understood that I was not created to be taken for a test drive. I would have understood that if you're not a man after God's heart...then we hold no purpose together. I would have understood that its more of a heart matter and actions, rather than words. The world will try to tell you it was because you two had communication issues, & that can be true BUT if you are joined together by God, you will not quit. God will be constantly developing you two in the relationship and speaking to you concerning the person. If you know that he or she is the one, you will commit to the process. You will grow and the love of God will flow through each of you.
Let's look at what the apostle Peter wrote concerning God's way over the world's:

"17These people are as useless as dried-up springs or as mist blown away by the wind. They are doomed to blackest darkness. 18They brag about themselves with empty, foolish boasting. With an appeal to twisted sexual desires, they lure back into sin those who have barely escaped from a lifestyle of deception. 19They promise freedom, but they themselves are slaves of sin and corruption. For you are a slave to whatever controls you. 20And when people escape from the wickedness of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again, they are worse off than before. 21It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life. 22They prove the truth of this proverb: "A dog returns to its vomit." And another says, "A washed pig returns to the mud." II Peter 2:17-22 NLT

Wow. I don't know about you, Peter's letter just wrecks me [I would encourage you to have a study on the whole chapter!] This was Peter's second letter, & it is quite unclear to me specifically who the readers were, however based on II Peter 1:1, Peter wrote this second letter to encourage the people living in a certain area to be authentic Christians. To warn them about false teachers and what it meant to actually practice God's desires for His people. And what I love about Peter is that his account comes directly from his walk with Jesus Christ while He walked on this earth.  In verses 17-19, Peter was talking about the danger and threat of false teachers. In II Peter 2:12, Peter calls them unthinking animals, creatures of instinct, born to be caught and destroyed...
False teachers can be much like the world today. People who routinely go to church Sunday, claim to love God, but have, nor truly want, a real, intimate relationship with Him. They'll encourage you to go on dates with other men-just to get your mind off your ex, seek to indulge with you in the world's temporary sinful pleasures; they want to lure you back into sin. You have to know God and know what His word says and remember this: God's word will ALWAYS be CONTRARY to the ways & ideology of the world. 
The two will never mix and God's word is supreme. Your friends should always push you closer to Christ and respond to your request for advice/wisdom with the word of God.

When an ex of mine and I broke up for the very first time(a meaningless attempt I would soon find out), I was told by a fellow lady in my church that I needed to dig into the things of God, and let Him make me whole. Sayyyy what?! At the time (years ago), I didn't really understand what that meant. I would ponder and think "How can I seek God when all I want to do is mope around, look at old pictures, cry, and listen to sad love songs?". I was attending Michigan State University at the time, so I couldn't attend my pity party ALL day, I had to actually leave my apartment, go to class, and study. So because it seemed like I had no one else to turn to [running back to another ex, or finding some random guy was not an option to me] I turned to God. Every morning, (because I would catch the CATA bus to campus) I would have worship music playing walking to the bus, on the bus, and walking to class. When I came home from class, I would pour my heart out to God, and cry out to Him. I did that pretty much every day, and each day got easier. These sweet scriptures became my fortress:
 "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." John 14:18 KJV
 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalms 34:18 NLT
 "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10 ESV
 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 NIV

I would mediate and stare at these scriptures on index cards for long periods of time. This was before I knew about any convicting preachers, blogs, vlogs, etc. It was just me and God. Well, about 4 months later-we were officially back together. "What! Why?" I'm not really sure. He had broken up with me("to figure out things"), but we still kept in constant communication. He was still in the picture. And when he was ready to commit again, I accepted. Oh, and that whole "God thing" went out the window...I had my boo back!! I had a lot of sin in my life, with just a sprinkle of God. Things seemed to be going good though, but now I actually started listening in church. I started to notice the counterfeited presentation of love being given by myself and him. See that short, intimate, alone time I spent with God planted a very real seed in my heart. That seed was watered and grew overtime. I recall one night, (randomly) I just didn't want to give into my desire to please my flesh. We actually got into an argument because I couldn't just make a decision to honor God with my body without consulting my boyfriend. A couple months after that, some things just didn't sit well in my spiritual eyes, words were exchanged, and the relationship was over...again. Now, I wasn't perfect either, one minute I wanted God's way and the next I was ruled by flesh & it was an ongoing, literally, WAR in my mind (Romans 7:23). I now understand Jesus was tugging on my heart to come out of the darkness. I went back to my routine, what worked. I popped out my bible, my index cards, and prayed to God to forgive me and to help me to not go back. 

I went back, but because I wanted to. Through it all, it wasn't officially a "relationship" with the person, but I remained entangled in the bondage for quite some time. Struggling to live for God and deny my flesh. God will help you, but you have to want it bad enough. You can't pray the soul tie be broken, and still willingly check the person's social media pages. && As Peter mentioned, I was certainly worse off than before, and it would have been better for me to not have known the way, than to have known it and rejected it (II Peter 2:20-21). Sin has consequences, the bible is clear that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). We do understand that if you confess your sins, repent, and turn away, God is merciful and just to forgive you (I John 1:19).

So while me and all of my past relationships had our share of problems, I wonder how many of them could have been avoided, if I was truly living for Jesus? How many soul ties would have never been formed? You have to understand that once you're exposed to the light, you can't continue in darkness. I tried to, God kept telling me "No." He kept tugging on my heart to the point where I would wake up in the middle of the night in tears because I knew I had chosen a human over Him. I became numb to my sin & my heart hardened...Nevertheless, in the midst of it all, He found me & called me outIf you're saved, and the Spirit lives within you, and your partner isn't-you might want to break that relationship off, so that it doesn't cause you to stumble. DO NOT BE UNEQUALLY YOKED!!!![II Corinthians 6:14-15] Focus on living wholeheartedly for Christ & obeying Him.

I've learned that a man without God, is a man I can live without. Don't get so fixated on relationships that you forget who your first love is. If you really trust God, then know that He will give you the desires of your heart, according to His will, & you must seek Him FIRST (Psalms 37:4; Matthew 6:33). I truly believe that God put the desire in my heart for a family one day, and all I can do is trust, obey, and follow Him..wherever He takes me...keep my eyes focused on Christ. Even if he doesn't bring that desire to pass, I will still trust Him with my life, because His thoughts and ways are better than mine (Isaiah 55:8). 

Kiss Dating Goodbye<3
Did you know that dating is not mentioned in the bible? Nowhere. I've dated for years. Some guys were really good people, awesome personalities,....they just weren't saved. What a chunk of life wasted. I've tasted & seen God's goodness, & now, I can't have it any other way. There are so many Christians who've done it God's way and are examples of a true union with God, so don't let the world tell you differently. Ask God to show you, He will! Read your bible && Learn to thrive in your single season! It is for these reasons [and a very real conviction from the Holy Spirit] that I will never "date" a man again. It's a "system" totally ungodly and praised, loved, & forced by the world. Christians are set apart, to look nothing like the world, but have a renewed mind like that of Christ's (Romans 12:2). I seek to court with God's best. A true courtship that honors God, even with the little things. I now have a standard that was never present before, and I know God is pleased with it. I cannot go back. A worldly relationship can offer you nothing but heartache, despair, and eternal damnation; masked as fun, exciting, love, and happiness.

It's my prayer that you spend that intimate time with God, and truly get to know & trust Him. He will blow your mind. Surrender, for real. Commit and trust the process...one day you will see it was all worth it.

Love,







Comments

  1. Sis this was great! I too have made alot of mistakes by "dating" in the past until I gave my life to God. Then he really spoke to me about stop trying to do things my way and surrender my thoughts and feeling over to him. Girl when I did that,thats when he walked me through what it really looks like to be in a relationship, but a relationship with him. The king of kings! Thats when I found "love" through knowing Christ. I am now married,but I think back and wish I could have done it like this from the start. God is faithful. God bless you sis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww! Tears! That's so beautiful and encouraging...thank you for sharing!!

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  2. Anonymous3/26/2016

    Great read! You basically described my life girl! Keep doing what God has called you to do! God bless you

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahaha! Thanks girl so much for reading! :) God bless you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh wow this was an amazing read! I definitely loved the passage you based this on, really on point. Keep letting God use you.

    ReplyDelete

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