February 24, 2016

So.. He Says He Wants To Marry You?

It can be the desire of some women to want to be MARRIED. Maybe it has rarely ever crossed your mind- but you're not totally against it. Maybe, you see sister so and so & her husband at church & wonder if that could ever be you...
Maybe you have this burning desire to be married and it just won't leave you alone. Or maybe, after a really bad relationship..you just aren't interested in marriage ever.
Whatever your story is, you may have come across a guy or two, who's stated, "I want to marry you [someday]." or my personal favorite, "Wait, til' I make you my wife." Hey! Homeboy may have even got on one knee and popped the question to you...but you're still single, (not married)

'Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." Genesis 2:18 NLT

I think back to a time where the guy said, "I can't wait to hear you say I do." Years after these words were spoken, I found myself healing from the pain of that relationship, & unmarried. The idea of getting married was constantly entertained. All that sounds good right?! If you find yourself with a similar situation, ask yourself this: But-Did He really have true intentions on seeing through a marriage? Not just words, but actions?
 What if I said...
I want to lose 15lbs.
If I told you I wanted to lose 15lbs, but everyday I'm eating poorly, not working out, and just feeding my flesh whatever it wanted...You might say, "girl, you ain't trying to lose that weight!" But I would tell you, "Yes I am! You just watch me." I cut back on the ice-cream everyday...instead, now I just have it once or twice a week. I'm still not working out, and my diet choice is still poor. I've put it in the AIR that I want to lose this weight, but all my ACTIONS say otherwise. [Hey! did you know love is an ACTION word :)]

I want to be debt-free!
If I told you I want to be debt-free, but I'm constantly charging everything to credit cards, paying only the minimum payment, and every other weekend I'm at the mall shopping...sister, what would you think? Would you think I was serious about being debt-free? Would you think I'm taking the proper steps to set up my future to be debt-free? Would you think I'm committed to seeing through paying off all my debts??? NO! You wouldn't. You would think I'm full of it, and although I say I want to be debt free...its clearly the furthest thing from my mind. But hey! It sounds good right? There might be some truth to my declaration but it means nothing If my actions don't align with my words...
The same goes for that [ex]boyfriend of yours. He doesn't truly, wholeheartedly, want to marry you, if his mouth is saying yes & his actions show otherwise. It sounds good, but it could be an empty statement built upon fleshly feelings & Has the Lord, our God, commanded this man to take that step with you?.

"You're wrong! He's told me he wants to marry me, that God told him I'm the one & that it will be sooner than I think!"
If this is the case, why don't you have any peace about this man? He treats you any kind of way & doesn't truly value you as a daughter of Christ. Can he properly lead you? Or maybe, you two have been on & off for years...and he still hasn't gotten it together. He's still keeping you as an option. He may "love" you, as the world defines love...God is not a god of confusion or dysfunction. Everything about God is progressive. So while you sit & wait for him to grow up, you're losing time, and you are DISTRACTED from your Kingdom assignment. That's what the devil wants. Satan talks too, did you know that?  If He's not loving you like Christ loved the church which I blogged about here, you need to Let it go. Move on. Rest. And forgive him too! :)

"We are both working on ourselves apart, and we will revisit the idea of marriage in the future."
Let me ask you this: Is this man saved? Truly saved? You cannot wait for him to fall in love with Jesus in hopes that then you two will be on the same page. If He doesn't recognize your value and worth right now...itis time to leave him alone. Let him know that you've made the decision he refused to, & MOVE ON. The bible tells us to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers (II Corinthians 6:14). You have to TRUST GOD that whoever He has for you is FOR YOU. And you can't trust someone that you do not know, so use this time and spend crazy time with Him!!! This man cannot lead you right now.

"None of this applies to me. I'm just getting into a dating relationship, he's a great guy, he's mentioned us getting married once or twice."
DIVORCE DATING!!! Dating is NOT BIBLICAL. If you two are not embarking on a true courtship (look it up, its different than dating) where boundaries are set up and this man is not producing good fruit of a potential husband who is led by God - seek God and ask Him if that relationship is pleasing in his sight. Feelings can change. At the end of a break-up, have you ever found yourself wondering, "How could I have ever felt so strongly about this person. How silly was I!"It's not too late to do it God's way while you're alive and reading this. Be Spirit-Led in all your decisions.

So don't get so caught up in the aroma of a "I want to marry you." I want to eat ice-cream everyday, but that doesn't mean I should. Everything you love is not good for you. And I can almost promise you, what you've experienced with little Johnny was not love...it was lust.

I can recall always getting this warm, fuzzy feeling when those very words were said to me. I really thought that This was it-MY ADAM! But the Lord had been telling me "No." Our relationship pushed me further from Christ. I ignored Him (you know how you think you know more than God and you're going to try to prove to Him that the person has changed & that this will work) I mean God tried EVERYTHING to warn me. If I can be a little transparent...I received a very random text message from a fellow believer who told me what was to come of our "relationship."..& living in sin, and I'm thinking (with tears starting to fall) "why God? This lady knows too much, I wasn't listening to you and I was rationalizing with my flesh but you just made it plain." I still chose to ignore this...but fast forward some weeks && eventually what I was told, what I had been feeling in my spirit...turned out to be true. Isn't our living God amazing?!?! [And I totally believe a man can change, however, only God can produce a true heart change, that will grow, endure, and last & He will let you know about the person]

You never feel more apart from God than when you're doing something He specifically told you not to. Peace just ups & leaves...& well now its just you, your emotions, and your feelings-And you KNOW that's not a good mix! Jus'saying. Lol. I'm a hot-emotional MESS without Christ. That's why we need Him each and every day. We need that quiet time so that HE may fill us up again. Are you willing to take ONE day, 24 hours, and just sit before the Lord? Have a date night with Him? Get to REALLY know him? && be honest. God works with HONESTY. When I got serious about my walk, One day in prayer, I told God "I don't desire you God. I want him, more than I want you. I don't care that this ride will lead me to hell, this feels good, I love him, and I just want to ride for as long as I can, and we can fix my heart later." As I said this aloud, tears begin to fall, rapidly. There's just something about be totally transparent & open with the Lord..& here's the kicker: HE ALREADY KNOWS YOUR HEART!!! So you may read this and think, "she's pathetic, crazy, etc." Consider this: Do you say the exact same thing (not with your mouth) but your actions? You go to church every Sunday, but your heart is still unchanged. You lift your hands to praise God, but you don't truly desire Him. You still want to hold onto YOUR STUFF. You refuse to totally surrender to God. You still want to curse, party, drink, and hop in the bed with whoever you choose. You say you love Him...but you are not obedient and your fruit is not good. You seek God to get whatever you want without wanting to truly, truly know who He is. Based on I John, that makes you a liar.

"If someone claims, 'I know God' but doesn't obey God's commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth" I John 2:4 (NLT)

"15I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." Revelation 3:15-17 (NIV)

"But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!" Revelation 3:16 NLT 

Be careful not to be a "lukewarm Christian." God hates when we are lukewarm. If you love God, honor Him with your life, and not just your Sunday drive to church. Repent, and cut off the distractions.

It broke my spirit to see what point I had come to. I repented & I asked God to give me that zeal, that burning desire for Him. I asked him to show me my heart, and my own ways. I don't want to spend eternity in hell, where there is gnashing of teeth and torment (Matthew 13:42). I asked God to reveal Himself to me..........and He did. Thank you Jesus!!! I would caution you to not walk around telling everyone, "God knows my heart." Because he does. And all your private thoughts you think only you know-...Our Father knows them too. Be whole in Christ first.

So, do I desire to be married?! Yes. I want a husband who is crazy about intentionally living for God every single day. A man who actively hears from God and can properly lead me. A man should push you closer to Christ & not further. While this is a strong desire of mine, and it may be for you too, it cannot be your focus. It cannot be all you see. It cannot be what you're waiting on. It cannot be the push or excitement you need to start living. And don't settle for some average Joe either. You want God's best for your life. God would never send you a man who is not one of his sons. But you know who will? The enemy. So look out! THIS CONCERNS YOUR ETERNITY.

The only marriage standard I know is God's word-the bible. That of Christ and the church. What He said about marriage. That's what you want. Not some worldly idea of a union between two people. I imagine a marriage where God can convict each partner and create a true change in heart that is authentic, and will last. A daily battle to look more like Christ. Check out some books on godly marriages!

If you are currently in a courtship/engaged with God's best, it's important to pray for that man. Keep God at the head of the relationship. Focus on obeying God in everything. Let Him guide you, and hold dear to your standards.

If you're struggling to break a soul tie with a man who YOU KNOW ain't the one, save yourself the pain. You may be thinking, "he isn't the one now...but maybe in the future"- Noooo sis. We're still considering "what ifs." If its of God, He will work it out, in his timing. You just need to keep moving forward. God gave us free will, a choice. God wants to blow your mind. Let go of the distractions!! TRUST GOD. TRUST GOD. TRUST GOD. Get busy about your kingdom assignment! You want to make sure your purpose lines up with your one day husband because you two will become ONE!

I want you to know that God's plan for your life is far better than any thing you can dream of for yourself. Don't listen to the enemy's LIES and deception. The devil is after YOU. Make no mistake about this one. Run to the only one who can save you and fill those empty voids-Jesus.

So, He says he wants to marry you................................Did God command this?


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