May 25, 2015

A Relationship or Bondage?

In you are currently in a relationship, that you don't really have complete peace about...or you think you have a pretty good relationship (without God)..I want to pose this question: Are you in a relationship or are you in bondage? So many of us are in these purposeless relationships. A relationship with NO PURPOSE. It just "feels good to be with you." You are in a relationship with him because its convenient. You are in a relationship with him because he's your "baby daddy." You are in a relationship with him because you think you're in love. God is the creator of love and if your boyfriend is not on his face before the Holy Master daily- there is a problem.

You might say, "bondage?! Haha, that's a little extreme." Consider this: if your boyfriend were to end the relationship right now, how would you react? Would you throw the ultimate pity party? Cry? Pop in a love-sick movie, staying up all night? Would you beg and plead with him to reconsider his decision? Would you try to get all dressed up and seduce him? Make him miss you? Call off of work because you just want to sit in bed all day and do nothing? Bondage alert!!!

You might be indenial saying, "that wasn't bondage, things just didn't work out. We were two different people." You must see the end at the beginning. Understand the purpose of the relationship on the first date- if it is marriage and to glorify God, you will not quit.

The bible says, "better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit." Ecclesiastes 7:8 [ESV]

Think about that guy. The one you were SO in love with! You two spent multiple holidays and birthdays together. He was a good man. He wasn't totally sold out for Jesus but he met your super-relaxed standards. You two were close. He knew things about you that you didn't. You invested some serious time in this man. Fast forward some years & boom! He cheats on you. He fell in love with someone else. He got another woman pregnant. He just needs to "find himself." or He just got bored and "fell out of love" with you. Now if you had known all of this from the first time you entertained a conversation with this individual, would you still have chosen to go down that path? That path that would only lead to heartache and hurt? I certainly wouldn't.

For so many years, I was in bondage to different men. I made them my idol. Whatever they needed, Gina had to get it done. If they called, oh all plans were dropped, because I was needed!! I would dump friends, cancel plans with Grandma, break promises- all for the sake of the one I loved. It took some time, however, God finally gave me the revelation that I wasn't in a relationship, I WAS IN BONDAGE. Bondage that did not glorify God. And you know what, I liked it! I kept going back, expecting things to be different- they weren't. It just got worse & worse until I realized I needed to be set free. I tried to set myself free- but I was weak in the flesh, and my flesh liked my bondage.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41 [NIV]

I had thought about ending the relationship after I was convicted in church a couple times (when we were in the cupcake stage: a stage where everything is going great, you're so happy and cuddly and loving & he hasn't messed up...yet). However, I couldn't understand why part of me was like "Nooooo God, we good over here! Wait until marriage?! I don't need to do all of that." My spirit was willing. It wanted to stop having sex, pray more, live righteously. But that weak, susceptible flesh gave in every single time. To my flesh, waiting to have sex seemed (can I be honest?) unjust! CRAZY! Impossible!

"The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit." I Corinthians 2:14 [NIV]

If you are without the Spirit- YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND. No matter how much you try to make that person see what you see; anyone without the spiritual capacity will not understand. He won't understand why you don't want to continue sleeping with him. He won't understand why you don't want to pretend to be okay with him going to the strip club. He won't understand the renewing of your mind. He won't understand why you don't want to "hit the town" with him and his worldly friends. So don't try and make him. If God is leading you away from that relationship, I beg and plead with you that you will listen to HIM the first time. OBEY HIM.

If you are in bondage, God wants to set you free. He wants you to live for Him and not reserve that space in your heart for a man. God wants all of you and I don't think we quite comprehend how jealous He is for our hearts. He wants to fill your voids. He wants you to know that if you would just TRUST HIM WITH YOUR LIFE, you won't have to worry.

Don't give all your time & precious youth to a man who isn't following Christ. A man who denies the power of the word. A man who looks to the world for comfort and glory. I want to encourage you to be Christ-lead in all your relationships. Realize that all you need is God. You don't need a man to make you happy or a ring on your finger to make you secure.

This one isn't hard to figure out. If you are more interested in discovering one another's bodies- that isn't of God. If you are constantly being pushed away from Christ- that relationship is not for you. If you are constantly checking behind your man, wondering about what he's doing and you question the trust in the relationship- you must seek God and let him make you whole & secure & then no man will change the way you see yourself as God sees you. If you are checking his phone (please, I hope not)- GET BUSY ABOUT GOD'S BUSINESS! As a single woman, your life holds more purpose than planning birthdays, trips, and holidays for the two of you. What are you doing to advance the kingdom?? If your focus is more on changing the man- you must let God do that. Only He truly changes a man's heart. Don't let this world tell you different than what God has already said. His thoughts and ways are the only ones that matter.

Just because things may be going good now, remember God sees the end at the beginning. You might not be able to because as women, we get so emotionally involved and part of this reason is the union of the bodies. It gives you a oh-so false assurance. That is why you must look to the Spirit for guidance. And if you are too impatient for that- open up your bible! It's all in there. As Christians we must posses the fruit of the Spirit. Love, peace, joy, faithfulness, self-control, patience, goodness, kindness, and gentleness.

Recognize that it doesn't take a man, a man of God, to date you 6-18 months before he realizes that he even might want a relationship with you. Don't get entangled up in that type of bondage. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Don't you want to be so in love with God? That you're not looking for "Mr. Right" to pop in your life? That you want to touch lives and share Christ with as many as you can? That you don't entertain men who haven't made their intentions with you known? I don't know about you, but I want that. I want God to use me. I want Him to know that I'll be content in a single season whether its for 10 months, 10 years, or never. I want Him to know that the last thing on my mind is some man, and when he's going to show up and marry me! God's desires for your life become your desires once you get to truly know Him and he will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).

Many of us don't trust God enough of who HE IS to do that. Life is more than having a partner, getting married, having children, & the white picket fence. Each and every one of us has a Kingdom Assignment, a purpose for our lives; Given to us by God and it must come to pass. Seek God first and in everything.

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