March 23, 2015

What Kind of Woman Are You?

You might be thinking, "Why are you asking this question! Of course I'm a good woman!"

I thought the same thing too. "I'm a good woman." I am loyal, honest, caring, loving, motivational, ambitious, intelligent, independent, and so on. It wasn't until I really began to dig into the word of God that I really had to sit back and say, "What kind of woman are you?"

All those "things" I named are nice, and in the eyes of a worldly man, I'd probably be considered a "good catch." NOT what I am looking to attract.

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

See, there are PLENTY women in this world. I'm sure we could come up with different types of women to categorize. I mean everything from "insecure," "know-it-all," "desperate," "home wrecker," etc. You get the point-this list could go on for days, weeks, months even.

BUT, What about the kind of woman the bible describes? THAT'S THE ONLY KIND OF WOMAN I ASPIRE TO BE.

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies." Proverbs 31:10
This scripture, and the entire chapter, speaks volumes to me. Here I was thinking I was "all that and a bag of chips" but I had no virtue. No holy standards. No boundaries. No godly wisdom. No fear of God. I didn't understand that if I'm in a relationship-it's only end goal should be marriage. I didn't understand that if I'm a little bit stronger in my faith than the man I am dating, it's probably a good idea to break things off than try to lead and help him.

Women were not created to lead. Men were. And the bible is clear to not be unequally yoked with nonbelievers (II Corinthians 6:14). But you know ladies, we don't care about all this stuff, you're in love! You want what you want, how you want it. I sure did. But I believe that once I had that true encounter with Christ, where it felt like a bright, piercing light burst into a room I didn't know was so dark-I just couldn't continue on like I had been. I mean I tried to of course, but you should know when God is telling you to let someone go-OBEY Him. He knows what's best for you. (And if you aren't sure if you should be with him, read this blog here.)

God created a woman to be a help meet.

"And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him." Genesis 2:18
Help meet: a helpful companion or partner, especially one's husband or wife.

Notice the definition is almost exclusively relative to a husband or a wife-the way God intended it to be. WOMAN! You are a help meet; To your one day spouse. Not a side chick/hot fling/summer romance/option/rebound/just his baby mama/ and so on.

"11Her husband  can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. 12She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. 14She is like a merchant's ship, bringing her food from afar.  15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls. 16She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earning she plants a vineyard. 17She is energetic and strong, a hard worker, 18She makes sure her dealing are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. 19Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. 20She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. 21She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. 25She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. 26When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. 27She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. 28Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: 29"There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!"

When you really grasp this revelation, you'll see; You can't just go around dating any ol' boy or even engaged to the average Joe. Even if he's your first love, high school sweetheart, soul-mate (which really there is no such thing) baby daddy, or long-time partner-honey none of that matters if he doesn't have a personal relationship with Christ. You want a man with vision, a leader, a man who fears the Lord. I talk a lot about the kind of man to court with but-Women play a part as well.

{I skipped a few verses, however, I would encourage you in your quiet time to truly meditate on these scriptures.}

"A Proverbs 31 Woman," is a woman to be praised. When I first read about "her," I was like completely blown away. What a woman! She isn't constantly tearing her man down. She isn't sitting up laying around the house all day accomplishing nothing. She isn't timid and unsure of the future. She isn't fornicating/an adulteress. She isn't cussing people out left and right. She isn't mean & nasty, getting drunk, or at the club every now & then (or at all for this matter). No! She's gentle, loving, and wise. She's not focused on the things of this world that are only temporary. She's resourceful, keeps her house in order, and so much more! SHE LOVES & FEARS GOD WITH EVERYTHING IN HER.

This is a woman we should all aspire to be, as women who have a heart after God; believers. Not the Rihannas or Beyonce's.

God & God alone, can truly change a person. And not just how the world perceives the individual-I mean a true heart change. He will take everything out of you that's wicked and not Christ like & make you whole and secure in Christ. You won't want to be the woman you used to be. The woman who looked for her worth in men. The woman who never really thought she was super attractive. The woman who constantly pondered, "Lord when will you send me my husband?" The woman who tried to earn love from a man. The woman who didn't know her worth because her boyfriend didn't treat her accordingly. The woman who kept man after man, relationship after relationship, because she didn't want to face being alone.

You are never alone in Christ. Your worth & value is found in Christ. Let God into your heart & SURRENDER EVERY FACET OF YOUR LIFE over to Him. It's a beautiful thing, pursuing a true relationship with God. Often times as women, this is the relationship in our life that needs the most work & gets the least attention.

This walk with God, don't be fooled-it ain't always pretty. It will cost you some things; There will be times you want to give up-but let God build you up! Let patience have her perfect work in you! Seek God...keep pushing forward...and don't look back-NEVER look back.
My prayer: Lord help me to be the woman you called me to be. One who is whole & secure in you-wanting nothing.


March 9, 2015

A Good Man vs. A Godly Man

Many of us are CONFUSED. We simply don't know any better. And we don't know better because many of us don't know Christ. We confuse a GOOD man & a GODLY man. Let's be clear-there is NO exception to this rule, this standard. Holiness is the only standard we ought to uphold...with & in everything.

A GOOD MAN IS A GODLY MAN. What does this mean? In order for a man to be a "good man" he has to exhibit some Christ-like characteristics. The world will tell you a good man doesn't have to be a godly man.
A "good man" (in the carnal mind) is someone who opens the door for you, pays for dinner dates, & while that may be true-a good man FEARS THE LORD. We have so many women who are (I have to be honest) desperate to be with someone that they'll accept anything less than what they truly deserve. You were brought with a price...or didn't you know? A man died for you.

Now back to this so called "good man"-so he may open doors, take you out...and sleep with you before you two are married, Now does this still make him a "good man?" No.

"23The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. 24Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand." Psalm 37:23-24

"Praise the LORD! How blessed is the man who fears the LORD, Who greatly delights in His commandments." Psalm 112:1

"A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him." Matthew 12:35

A good man fears the Lord, and walks the path of righteousness. He doesn't date a bunch of women, call you out your name, disrespect you, act selfishly, refuse to love you as Christ loved the church, physically/mentally abuse you, go to church on Sunday...and then openly live sinfully the rest of the week. He doesn't worship you (his girlfriend) more than God, shack up with you, cross boundaries. He's not deceiving you or leading you on. His intentions with you should be crystal clear...why? Because we know real men date with a purpose & that is marriage, and to come together to please God.

My heart breaks for all the women who, in their alone time, cry about a man. I used to be that girl. I was angry, mad, bitter, sad-you name it. It wasn't until I got this revelation: There's something better out there for me than this...THERE IS GOD'S WAY. You don't have to accept that man who refuses to commit to you wholeheartedly. And if he hasn't stated his intent with you, if you haven't seen some good fruit on his tree, WHY ARE YOU EVEN WITH HIM?

Women, my sisters in Christ, if we only understood our true value & worth!!! The value and worth found in the one who created the universe. The one who knew you and I even before we were formed in our mother's belly (Jeremiah 1:5). If we knew, WE WOULD NEVER EXCEPT ANYTHING LESS. All these television shows and worldly garbage will have you thinking it's okay for your "good man" to be at the strip club (every now & then), get drunk every so often, have sex with you, etc.

Sex before marriage is NOT OKAY. I didn't get this until I really got on my face before the Lord. "Lord, what have I been doing?" It is never just sex. You become one with the individual. In other words, we women are on the receiving end. This dawned on me: I had always considered myself a happy person. Majority of the day I was happy. After years of giving my body away, I lost that "happiness" about me. I started to become angrier more & more. I started to think following God wasn't worth my own selfish/fleshly wants. I started to exhibit some of the characteristics of the men I were dating (two become one). I was not bringing them up, but I was going down to their ways. It was because I was separated from Christ, weaker, and susceptible. Anything went, pretty much.

I mean I struggled with this for months! "God, why don't I desire you like I used to?" "God why am I sitting in the very back row of church, when you know I use to always sit in the front?" "God, why do I find excuses to not spend time with you?"
SIN SEPARATES YOU FROM GOD, today, tomorrow, always.

"It's your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore." Isaiah 59:2

Make no mistake-God hates sin!
The world may have you thinking that boy you're dating, the one with a college degree, successful, nice, "likes to turn up"-is a good man...he's not. Maybe in a carnal mind? Sure! But life means nothing if you don't know Christ.

"For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul?" Mark 8:36.

All the things of this world are temporary. If your "good man" is so focused on the things of this world MORE than the things of Christ-that's a problem.

A good man fears God right? If he fears God then all that other stuff we women desire is already pre-packaged! Love, respect, unselfishness, purpose, gentleness, faithfulness, leadership...ALL of it! If he doesn't love God with every piece of his life, he will never be able to properly love you. I tried this. & it doesn't work out. I kept cheering for what he did have/what he did do...forgetting the most important-a true love for God. I kept coming up empty, looking for more.

When it comes to a good man versus a godly man, make no mistake, the two are one in the same.

After Church, Receiving Another Awesome Message @ RFCI!



March 6, 2015

A Christian Has To Forgive?

||"No God. Just let me continue seeking your face and change me. I want to be on fire for you! I want you to fix my heart. Heal me emotionally. But I want to stay mad at the person. I can move on but I ain't forgiving them."||

This was one of the hardest things for me. TO FORGIVE. Forgive the man who repeatedly abused me emotionally? Mentally? Lied to me? Forgive the friend who hurt me? Who wasn't there for me when I needed her? Forgive my family member? But do know what he/she did to me? ARE YOU CRAZY? We may be-but God certainly isn't. WE MUST FORGIVE.

In all actuality, the title of this blog post shouldn't even be a question.

"14If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15.

I know he hurt you. Beyond anything you could invent in your worst nightmare. I am here to tell you, you have to forgive. It may seem hard, nearly IMPOSSIBLE, but are you really going to let a man (who never even knew your worth, who never even showed indisputable signs of a godly man, who had more red flags than you could count) be continuously tied to you because you don't want to LET GO and FORGIVE?

It's so funny to me (not really) how we can hold these grudges and anger towards men who hurt us or friends/family members when the almighty Jesus Christ gave His LIFE, died on the cross for our sins, shed blood, and arose from the dead-just so we could be forgiven and cleansed from our sins. Some of us still continue to transgress the word of God, and God continues to forgive. Let's look at these scriptures:

"1Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? 2Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?" Romans 6:1-2.

"14Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." II Chronicles 7:14.

So why is it so hard for our flesh to welcome forgiveness? We all feel like we are owed something. Owed an apology, money, or other temporary things. See God will forgive us and throw the sin into the sea of forgetfulness.  God forgives our sins, but not without some work on our part first. We must first REPENT and ask to be forgiven. We must have a clean heart FIRST, turn from our wicked ways, and then he will hear our prayers in heaven. No matter what we do-God is always right there waiting for us to humble ourselves & turn away from sin. To stop thinking, "this is my life. I'll do whatever I please, I got this." No sis, not without Christ. Don't you know your life truly is not your own?

So you see, forgiveness is "easy" if we look at it from God's eyes. All he wants us to do is stop sinning, repent, let go of some things, surrender, and follow Him. It is through the love of Christ that we might be able to just forgive. Forgive others without conditions.

Even during the crucifixion of Christ, Jesus said "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:24). Can you fathom that? While Jesus, who knew NO sin-but for our sake- stood, nailed to the cross amongst other criminals and asked for forgiveness for the people who surrounded Him. The people who cheered on, took his belongings, and divided them up.

If you make the conscious choice to not forgive those who've hurt are welcoming...
  • Hardening of your heart: You cannot have the love of Christ living on the inside of you and still harbor anger/unforgiveness. It hardens your heart. If you say you love God, but you hate your brother in Christ, you are a liar; you are a liar if you hate the brother you can see yet claim to love God who you cannot see (I John 4:20).
  • Eternal bondage with the individual: Let it go! Don't continue to be tied with an individual because you don't want to forgive. Forgiveness frees you. It's like walking around with extra weight, why would you want to do that?
  • Hindrance from God sending His best for you: How can God send a man into your life when you are not ready or mature enough? You're still holding onto hurt from your past. Don't be fooled: what's in your heart will always come out....eventually.
  • Loss of time: Don't waste your life! It is too important. Don't you know you have a kingdom agenda? Lives to impact? Purpose to fulfill? Let him go. Let it go. Move on. Rest. 
  • Prevention of wholeness: You might be broken and that's alright. God is nigh to the brokenhearted. Let Him build you up. You'll be standing on a foundation so strong and rooted in Christ.
  • Eternity in hell: God is clear. If you don't forgive, you won't be forgiven.
Now I don't know the specifics of your situation-but let's be honest, it is not important. FORGIVENESS IS FORGIVENESS. We focus so much on hurt that we ultimately invited with open arms into our hearts! You know you should have exited left a while before God had to close the door. When I was in a relationship I knew wasn't pleasing to God, I kept running back. It was like I was playing "Christian roulette" with God. Taking a chance, stepping out on my own. And I got hit, many times. But see all kind of things-that aren't God sent-will enter your life if you are out of God's will. Sometimes God has to step in & do what you won't. God knows what's best for you. But you still have to forgive those who've hurt you. And the beauty is you can do this with Jesus Christ.

You've got to get this revelation! This is a heart issue. Yes you can say "I forgive," but if you don't have a pure heart, saying it aloud won't do you any justice. Be intentional about really "walking" this forgiveness out & GUARD your heart.

Maybe you want to forgive-you just don't know how to. How to let go of all the hurt. Realize this: It certainly isn't helping you.  If it isn't helping you-it's hurting you. You have to go before the Lord and pray. Get on your knees. Cry if you must. Ask God to help you. Then, help yourself. Meditate on scriptures about forgiveness. Read the stories about Joseph, Moses, Solomon, etc. that all deal with forgiveness. You cannot go to God hungry for his power, wisdom, and strength so bad and not receive anything. God judges the intent of your heart

I want to leave you with the web version definition of forgiveness:
The intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

Yes, a Christian has to forgive!


Me after Church!
Church should empower you to
do the works of the Lord,
convict you,
and mature
you! It is not just about "feeling good."

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