January 31, 2015


Think back to the first time you fell in love. Who said it first? You wanted to shout it from the mountain top first, but something in you wanted him to say it first. Those butterflies in your stomach that wouldn't go away, the constant thought of him throughout your daily life. The way he made you laugh and knew you to a point where he could predict every feeling, action, or reaction of yours. The hours spent on the phone. The birthdays, holidays...meeting his family (&they absolutely loved you). The tingly feeling you'd get from hugging him or from his very touch.
Now answer me this: Did you have sex with this man? (Yes). Do you think you would feel the same way had you not had sex with this man? (Yes/No). Do you know any girlfriend of yours who has been in love, real love, and not had any sexual relations with the person? (I personally don't know any, however, God has led me to let go of a lot of purposeless relationships...and I'm constantly praying for sisters in Christ). Is it possible to be madly in love with a man and not have had any physical intimacy? (YES!).

My point is, having sex without being married creates this thing called a "soul tie." A soul tie is HARD to break. You are literally becoming one with another person, and if you do it enough times, throw some dates/gifts, or other forms of investments in the relationship...you will eventually become attached and feel "in love." Let's be clear here now-God is the author of love. His love is perfect.
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (KJV)
Romans 8:38-39 "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (KJV)

Wow! God's love for us is amazing! That nothing can separate us from the love of God. Now I don't know how true this is in worldly relationships, however, if I had a look at my past ones...I'd say not very true.

A man has to be so in love with God before he can properly love another woman. And we know that godly men seek out a woman for one sole purpose-Marriage. So forget the guy who you've known since you were a teenager, the guy you hook/catch up with every now and then. Be connected with a man who's made his intentions with you...KNOWN.

Ephesians 5:25-27 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." (KJV)

See the bible doesn't really entertain the idea of "dating." It's always in reference of how a man shall treat his wife. A man you are courting with should be presenting you without wrinkle or spot. He can't do that while trying to sleep with you. He can't do that while pressuring you, and he certainly can't fulfill that scripture if he has one foot in the world and one in Christ. The sole purpose God put a man and a woman on this earth is to come together and glorify God (and we also know to be fruitful and multiply).
Now, back to this soul tie stuff. It is hard to break. But not impossible, God can deliver you from anything. God intended for us to be one flesh with our spouse and on the wedding night...the marriage is to be consecrated through the union of your two bodies. How beautiful is that!! I think back to the time I first said those 3 words. Ha! I knew nothing about love...it was just about how I felt. Then I had to think, "am I willing to lay down my life for this individual?" "Heck no!"

So is it LOVE or LUST? If you're having sex outside of marriage with a boyfriend, it can be hard to separate the two. Your emotions/feelings/actions are entangled in a bondage that only has one destination...eternity with the devil. God hates all sin but sexual sin is the only sin where you sin against your own body! A body that is suppose to be holy and acceptable unto God! We've got to take a second to really let that sink in. Does your urge to satisfy your weak and nasty flesh drive the "chemistry" or "passion" within your relationship? You have a big argument, so you want to make it up to him by sinning against your body for him. He drops you off (or you're dropping him off) and you kiss passionately, touch a little, then scream "stop!" "okay, gotta go!' Or you give in, fornicate, and then promise that's the last time...but then weeks later you're back in that bed. Pretty much.

You have got to get to a point in your walk with God where you are just sick and tired of the devil making a fool out of you. You take the bait. Every single time. The devil isn't moved when you wake up in the morning. If you feel like you just can't push through remember God's strength is made PERFECT in WEAKNESS.

Imagine a courtship grounded in Christ. Where you two are accountable to one another. You don't touch one another inappropriately. You challenge one another to be pushed closer to Christ. You honor God with your entire life. You don't have adult sleepovers and there are boundaries. You become intimate by communicating with your words. Your old issues from your past are ironed out as you grow in Christ together. You began to encourage this man and pray for him daily. God reveals to you about what your issues are and He shows you how to deal with this man. What a beautiful, holy way to fall in love.


I listened to a podcast from the Gathering Oasis Church in Atlanta and their pastor said it best: LUST IS NEVER SATISFIED. Never! Ever! I use to think: "if I could just marry this man, we wouldn't have to worry about fornicating." Then God brought those words into my remembrance. "Lust is never satisfied. It will always want more. So if you're married, he'll be lusting away still". That's why it's so important to develop the fruit of the spirit (and make sure he's a man that truly loves the Lord).

Galations 5:22 "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" (NLT)

It is my prayer that you go before God and ask Him to rid you of & heal you of all your soul ties. Get rid of anything unlike Him. Ask for forgiveness, and for a clean heart absent of hatred and anger.

Focus on God, let him make you whole. That boy you're so in love with? That boy who said he wanted to marry you? That hurt you feel dealing with the reality that he lusted you and you knew you couldn't go on any longer? Give ALL of that to God. He wants that territory you had homeboy's name on. God is our first love.

This is a matter of life and death. Your eternity. And God is clear...He says to choose LIFE.





January 3, 2015

The Eligible (Not Perfect) Man: Does He Measure Up?

No man will ever love you as much as Jesus. It. Just. Won't. Happen. So before you open a door, check his eligibility. Is he following after God? With ALL his heart? There is only one STANDARD & if that is not met, don't entertain what you think you want/what feels good. Focus on Him & not "him."

There are 2 kinds of men in this world.

1. Men Who Are Living For Jesus

2. Men Who Are Not Living For Jesus.

Yes, it really is that simple. Should you dare ask...you want to be with a man that is living for Jesus. You might ask, what's the difference? This right here is black and white. There are no gray areas, men fall into these 2 categories. You cannot have someone who is in between because you either ARE living for Jesus or you ARE NOT

A man who is living Jesus, he has a heart for God. He respects women & knows the worth women carry. Women were put on this earth FOR men and it is not the other way around. Women today accept SO SO little from men who aren't living Jesus...WHY? (Yes, I am preaching to myself as well, because I use to do the same)

Why has the world of "dating" or finding a partner become the woman paying for the first date & hopping into bed with the man on the very first date? What happened to courting? My worldly advice would be that women hold all the power-and it actually has some truth to it. But, let's look at the bible truth:

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:10-12 KJV)

Men are natural hunters. They seek after a woman like a man hunts food. There's premeditation, desire, precision, accountability, determination, etc. We are not meant to have sex with 5 or 15 people, play around, and eventually find "the one." God wants us to date His way. COURT!!! (Heather Lindsey explains courting vs. dating very well here.) We are never suppose to know how "good" PJ was or how much better Ray Ray was than Johnny. We are suppose to know no other man than our husband. That's dating, God's way, the way He intended. So let's get back to comparing these two types of men.
  • Men who ARE NOT living for Jesus:
1. Will treat you any kind of way.
2. Probably, more than likely, I'm pretty sure-break your heart-and not have one ounce of remorse.
3. Provide a false representation of what a real man should be, and he's very convincing while operating as the world does.
  • Men who ARE living for Jesus WILL:
1. Regard you as a valuable object, more precious than rubies.
2. Build you up & push you CLOSER to Christ.
3. Marry you (godly men seek a woman for a purpose...usually to marry)

Real men worship God. They do not have time to be messing with Vicky, Suzie, & Ashley. Why start something with a woman, MEN, if you don't plan to finish the course......->MARRIAGE??

This is how us women, (I have done this plenty of times), end up crying on the bathroom floor & throwing the ultimate pity party, WHEN GOD PROBABLY NEVER INTENDED FOR YOU TO ENTERTAIN homeboy.

Ladies, we need to set the record straight. Let's stop blaming men...we need to take responsibility for our own heartaches. "Oh he's a dog." or "Some girl must have really hurt you." NO! Examine your own self, the bible says. Men of the world operate as they do because it is learned behavior. A man can only respond to what's repeatedly being PRESENTED to him. Let's vow to break the cycle. GUARD your heart above ALL things. If he ain't chasing Jesus with EVERYTHING he got, you need to be! What is for you, is for you. 

I encourage you to evaluate the "ineligibles" in your life. What is their intention with you? To kick it with you for a season? When a man desires something, he goes after it. You don't need to do ANYTHING. You may say, "well what if he isn't ready?" or "what if he just had a bad break up?" Then you need to RUN, RUN, RUN! ---> RUN TO JESUS!

Let Him be your everything. Spend time with HIM. I use to feel like I had to have someone I am "talking" to...like I couldn't just be alone. Someone to text, see movies with-NO! NO! NO! Even the bible references the preference for us to be single.

"I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." (I Corinthians 7:8-9).

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way." (Psalms 37:23).

"An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips  there is as a burning fire." (Proverbs 16:27). 

God has His best for you. He wouldn't have you with anything less. Your current relationship, he doesn't have to be perfect, however, he needs to be eligible. Check his heart. And if you're single, looking to court, check his eligibility. Open the bible. Does he measure up?


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